Confessions of a Romance (YA?) Author
It’s been, what, a week? I have no grasp on time only
word count, since I’ve last confessed. For the I-told-you-so’s in the back *Cynthia*–hush. I’m still able to write sentences.
It’s been 30, 874 words since I last confessed….
I’m thinking in scene sequence though. So guard your loins and read on. It won’t be pretty…It has a Joss Whedon ending….
*Melissa wakes up and makes tea.*
*Melissa writes more dreck and calls herself triumph when she makes morning word goal of 600 words. Only 8k more to go.*
*Melissa notices wet substance coming out of her left ear. Fear sinks it’s teeth into her gut. It has happened*
*Brain leakage!*
Scene two:
*Melissa makes it to work with a different pair of shoes on each foot, a shirt stained with more brain leakage, and a zombie like smile*
*Melissa locks office door. “Must get to THE END.” Her motivation is simple in this scene: Hopes boss doesn’t come in while she’s typing. And not to ruin keyboard with the riptide coming out of both ears now*
*Sometime during lunch, heroine takes a break. Puts cotton in her ears. By now her eyes have a zombie like glaze to them. “Must Get To THE END!!!”*
*Twitter’s word count. Doesn’t realize she’s only typed “#*$($#(!*#&$” Melina and Karen become concerned.*
Segue into next day…
Scene Three…
* Heroine wakes up. Her hair looks like something a bird lives in. Her children whisper behind their hands, “Mommy, looks strange. Let’s not fight today. She has the look.”*
*By lunch time Melissa is sobbing over keyboard “There is no end in sight. All I wanted to do was finish a book for NANO. I wanted to win. I didn’t want egg on my face this year. The YA idea was incredible. I had to write it. But WHY, OH, WHY THE HUMANITY.*
*Children are now hidden safely in the room*
*Twitters “All…most…done…must..finish…”
*With no brain left for coherent thought, heroine finishes story. Goes back to read the first chapter.*
Segue to next day…
Narrative voice sounds over novel pages: Melissa Blue was fine until she read her novel. She ran out into the streets screaming “THE HORROR!” Her writing friend *Cynthia* predicted her head explosion. Melissa Blue will be remembered for her foolhardy feat. And taught as a tale of caution for all those who NaNo.
Pats Dr. Blue carefully on the head (makes sure not to disturb the birds nesting as it’s a federal crime in CA) and suggests a nice long nap. Then carefully walks away before muttering something about Sven.
Mel, this is hilarious! Just go forward. Never look back in NaNo. You’ll do great!
YOu cannot fix a blank page. Relax, stuff those ears with more cotton and keep pluggin galong!
What’s wrong with you? Did no one ever tell you “Don’t look down!!!” when your on a ledge just as you don’t stop to re-read until you write “The End”.
Everythings better when you add wine. That’s my story. Sticking.
(makes sure not to disturb the birds nesting as it’s a federal crime in CA)
LMAO!
Edie, thanks for the vote of confidence. This is the first time I’m hesitant with the last end of a novel.
Relax, stuff those ears with more cotton and keep plugging along!
Thanks, Amie. I will and at least I could entertain the masses with my writer crazy.
Everythings better when you add wine. That’s my story. Sticking.
This shall be my reward when I finish this stupid book. And of course I won’t read it until next year. I think it would be better for all involved.