2009 Wrap Up: A Lot of Unexpected Goals

The great thing about keeping a blog is that you have proof of what you did. Good or bad you can go back and read all the insane thoughts that crossed your mind that you inflicted on your readers. Or maybe that’s just my blog.

And this year, more than others, I find what my father told me when I was younger to be true–the older you get the faster the years fly by.  Really I can vaguely remember that I was in school trying to get my paralegal certificate–and now I can call myself a paralegal. (Not legally in the state of CA since I don’t work under an attorney, but go with me here.) And, other parts of the year….well, let’s just say I’m glad I blogged A LOT to remind me of what happened.

So in that vein this year’s wrap up will be different. What I learned and what I’ve gone through is hard to put into words and to understand if you haven’t lived it. But for you readers I’ll try.

As I said several times this year I didn’t have a real plan. So there sat my flimsy goal to become a better writer and truly what does that mean? And very much like a novel you don’t plot (or even when you do) all sorts of other things cropped up. So on top of the goal I couldn’t really measure or weigh I ended up with another one. Basic–survive. And I did. Somehow.

Let’s start with the goals  and lessons I didn’t expect to learn.

1. and 2. These two need go together like talking about how to separate writing and publishing, which is still a struggle. That theory is my Mount Everest and one day I will climb it, conquer and call it my beoytch. Until then…

So this year’s contrary learning experience are these two thoughts:

Writing is a job.

Writing is more than a daily word count.

So let’s start with the first one.

No really. It’s a job. I quit my ordinary job and thought ‘hey, I don’t have to work anymore. I can just write. That’ not real work.’

I’ll give you a moment to get off the floor from laughing.

Okay, I didn’t think that in such a literal sense, but I never treated writing as a job. I never thought about it.  With how crazy my life was, I couldn’t. I stole time to write and revise.  I thought about the current book I was writing and the next book I would write. Not why I should or shouldn’t write that book or how it would fit into my current body of work.

With my new opinion of a career for myself, well, it wasn’t a CAREER.  With a career one thinks, even in an arbitrary sense, where you want to be in a few years. The cliche is the office with the view. So, with writing I wanted to write at least part-time and get paid well doing it.  I didn’t think of HOW I would get to write part-time and get paid while doing it.

The curve ball is that I completely skipped that step. I found myself writing full-time. Or at least I should have been writing full-time, since all I had was time to write. And I was not getting paid to do it.

But then June or July came around and I realized that I hadn’t written. Yes, I had a short story as a freebie on my site. But 2k is piddly in comparison to what I’ve written before. Yeah, yeah, I had school, mothering and all that jazz to deal with, but I’M A WRITER. Writers write. Hell, even revise. I was a somewhat participant in the Mentor program at Romance Divas, but that wasn’t WRITING that was discovering. (which I’ll attack later for my second point of Wring is more than a daily word count.*)

A call for Christmas Novella’s was put out. I’d written one novella for a specific submission already. I could totally do it again, and that way I could make my depressing word count for the year look somewhat substantial. So I did complete the story. Then I was really bit by the writing bug. I went into a writing frenzy that was really taking writing as a job. I was editing and if I wasn’t editing I was writing. If I wasn’t writing I was planning another book to write. I was looking at my body of work and what would best fit. I was also letting myself think in terms of “fun” books so I would burn myself out. (Like I had done last year)

I’m not easily impressed, but I impressed myself by the work ethic I stuck to. Never before I had taken writing so seriously. I didn’t really have a to-do list, but I made sure that every day I did something with my writing career. I even decided to concentrate on contemporary romance to make a name for myself. Seriously, from a girl who thought ‘hey I’ll write a book’ to ‘I’m totally going to make a career out of this’, that arc is impressive for me.

But while doing a writing “chore” every day I realized the second part of the equation.

Writing is so much more than putting words to a page.

Sometimes you really have to stare off into space to get some work done. Don’t know the hero’s motivation and it’s just not coming to you in the regular way…watch some t.v. or a movie for a bit, it’ll come to you when you least expect it or the next time you sit down at the computer.  You have a troublesome scene (s), well maybe you need to go through a couple of workshops before the light bulb hits you in the head.

Maybe it’s our culture that working toward’s something means showing something as proof–a degree, a pay check, a book, but something you can point at and say SEE I AM DOING SOMETHING. Word count is the one thing writers point to and find themselves feeling guilty about. At least this writer.

Excuse my language, but I call bullshit.

Deep down in my writer bones I’ve learned it’s not farting around. Too many times I’ve walked away from work and come back with a fire in my belly.  Or knowing EXACTLY how to fix the scene or character.  The method of doing something else can be scientifically proven. (No really it can. Find any research on learning something then going to sleep.) I realized that writing, in all it’s forms, is work.

3. It did turn out to be The Year of the Writer. So what I learned is that flimsy goals can have unexpected, and very fulfilling results.

With learning to be a better writer firmly in my mind, I signed up to be in the Mentor Program with the Romance Divas. I’ll be perfectly honest, I expected to learn zilch during the entire 2-3 months. I’m contrary and that’s how I learn. Well, not learn, but absorb. I hate change. So when I go out to seek “knowledge” I know on some level I just want my knowledge to be reaffirmed.

It’s a personality flaw so forgive me. But the thing is I was right. 5 months after the program ended and I opened up the book I’d been working on, I could see I learned A Lot. I learned about depth. I learned I’m not there yet when it comes to Single Titles. I learned what it meant to do front work on a novel so the back work can be better. I won’t lose the magic if I do.

4. Closely connected to the above. My journey is my journey. No one else can go through it but me. My process is my process at the time. Not what it used to be or what it will be.

So, why do I keep measuring it to someone else’s? Maybe I’ve just reached the point where I trust my writing. I trust myself. I know my flaws and I know I have a few more I don’t know about. But at the same time I will fix the ones that need to be fixed and accept the ones that make me who I am. I get satisfaction seeing that who I become personally leaks into the writer I’m shaping into.

The vital thing I’ve got to overcome is thinking I know nothing about this writing biz and about crafting a story. I’ve got to stop being afraid someone will come along to say, “You don’t know anything” because I do know something. And if there’s something else I don’t know I make damn I found out.

5. This blog is novel length by now and if you are still reading I’ll give you the goods. I did a lot this year. Here are the stats:

A. Sin, Lynne, Sin: 47,000

B. Talk Nerdy To Me: 2,000

C. Sugar Plum Fantasies: 19,000

D. Die Like You Mean It: 63,000

Edited Everything You Need over and over and over…. : 33,000

Paralegal Certificate: 7 years in the making

Raise two children: 10 years and 5 years of age

I cleaned the house at least twice.

Too many revelations to count

Learned to be a better writer

Too many revelations to count

= Damn good year

I’m thinking the theme for next year will be taking risks.