What’s ironic is when I set my goal in January for The Year of The Writer I really didn’t know what it meant. I knew it meant change, I knew it meant growth, but I didn’t know what it encompass. The great and scary thing about it is that I don’t know what this new me is going to encounter.

The important thing, I’ve discovered drive again. When I was Melthegreatest I had it in spades. *Come on, I called myself Melthegreatest.* I can look back and see being and getting publishing was a matter of when, not if. Back then I was only a submission away from getting the call. I’m a little ashamed to say getting published knocked the drive right out of me. I had succeeded.

Now what? That question has been plaguing me ever since. Get the next one published just seems so vague. What kind of book? To what publisher? What’s the next milestone?

And then knowing it all comes down to luck. Yes, you have to be prepared when luck comes by.The downside is being prepared for years and never having lady luck on your side. I would like to believe this new Melissa is much more humble. I would like to believe this new Melissa will never give up what she has found to be important.

Yet I know I won’t be the same Melissa Blue next year. There would be something in my path that will make me learn a new lesson. I just hope no matter how I change, I will always then in when not if.

Who were you a year ago? Who do you want to be in a year?

So I’ve had to step back and look at my career. It’s dragging. I will give myself leeway because the first half of the year was CRAZY time. But now the vacation is over. Up until last week I’ve been at a lost to what to do with myself. I gave my writing CPR when I wrote the 18k story. But writing that story gave me a light bulb moment.

I wrote this story with the intent to send it in to a publisher. It’s a themed story. I was able to write this story to submission. Something I have never done before. I kind of like.

Ok. Understatement. I love it. I have to thank Jennifer Leeland for planting the thought in my head to write in one genre. I’ve also decided to aim my writing at a publisher.

Dear baby jesus, I now have a GOAL for my writing career. Yes, it’s scary because I might crash and burn. I may spend the next two years writing toward this publisher and we probably won’t fit. But for me it’s better than writing willy-nilly and then hunting for a publisher who will take the novel, only to find my novel doesn’t fit ANYWHERE.

Again, thanks to Jen, she said the floodgates would open. I didn’t believe her. Yet I’m looking at my notepad and I have five ideas I can work with. I have one that’s knocking and yelling louder than the others. I even have a goals spreadsheet. I’m scary folks when I’m on a mission.

But, it’s never felt so good.

What is your career goal? It doesn’t have to be about writing, but if you are a writer do you have a goal? Are you still willy-nilly? Maybe you can join me. Put the goal out there.

Mine: Kimani Press Romance line.

You research.

Yeah, I know it’ll be much easier to throw names in a hat and query that way. I’d strongly suggest against this method.

Back on track–Research. Now what I do is obsessive compulsive. I’m sure it has a lot to do with my paralegal studies. (We are taught to research until we want to gouge out our eyes.) I have nothing against spending a few hours researching an agent.

For me it involves hitting the good sites:
Query Tracker
Absolute Write-Background Checks
Lit Match
Agent Query
Preditors and Editors
(If I had twenty bucks a month to spare I’d have Publisher’s Marketplace)

On these sites they list what they represent, address, phone number, who are their clients. You can even get average wait times.

Next, I hit the agent’s actual website. I read the bio. I, again, check the client list. Why, you ask? To see if my work fits with what they represent. A HUGE red flag this might not be the agent for me: they represent only YA or children’s books. Think about how well my sex scene will go at that agency…

I digress.

Then I do a name search + literary agent. This is the mother load, for me at least. I can read interviews where agents talk specifics. I once came across a really good candidate, but she didn’t represent contemporary romance AT ALL. I mean I considered for a few minutes if I should start writing paranormal, but declined. Really good articles or interviews you can get a feel for how the agent works, some of their connections (Ex: If someone worked at Bantam for 10 years, do you think they have contacts there?), and if you are really lucky, a call for certain kinds of submissions that are current.

You know for most people this would be enough. By now they’d know the agent can be a pretty good match and they’d query away.

Well, by this point, I get truly obsessive. When I hit Query Tracker, Agent Query, the agents website I’ve made note of the clients they’ve had listed. I hit all their websites and interviews. Do they sing the agent’s praises? Have they fallen off the face of the earth and become an “Where Are They Now?” author. I read excerpts (but then again I’m a book lover so this has a two-way purpose. I just might find an author I truly love.)

Also, if an agent has a blog I read almost every entry. I love agent blogs. Really, you can get a list of likes and dislikes. How they work, who they represent, what are genres they are more open to, what they are currently looking for. Just want to say thanks to all the agents who blog.

Now why do I do all this?

Well, I once received a request for a full. I was so excited, but something in my gut was telling me NO. I didn’t want to listen. The person wanted my full, but I am obsessive. So I went in search of info and did not like what I found. I hit pages and pages of stuff that made me want to run in the other direction. Yes, the agent was nice, personable, but couldn’t sell books to save an author’s career.

You are looking for someone you can grow a career with, and if the agent’s client turnover is abnormal at best then you need to run. I understand agent/client hit forks in the road and go the opposite way, but if not one client stays longer than a year and they’ve been in the business for years… BIG RED FLIPPING FLAG.

What it really all comes down to is the agent right for you. I can’t remember who said it, but they described agent hunting like blind dating. They might look great on paper, but they are not an agent right for YOU. You are planning to be with this person for the long haul, not just the one book you are trying to peddle.  Yes, this way may limit the hell out of your options, but I’d rather have an agent who can go to bat for my career and just not one book.

So, what have we learned today?

You can research until you want to gouge your eyes out or throw names in a hat. It’s really up to you.

But the older I get, more people I talk to, it’s not so common place to go after your dreams. I have a few theories as to why I’m different, but I know people who have matured fast and still they don’t do the one thing that puts a fire in their soul.

So my question is why don’t most people go for their dreams?

I can understand if your dream is to own your own business. If you don’t have the money to do it then it kind of makes your dream hard to achieve. But then again my mother taught me when there is a will, there is a way.

If you haven’t noticed I like to ponder. And this morning I was thinking about my comfort zones when it comes to writing. People have been tempting me to write erotic and I’m hesitant. First, I’m not even sure I could pull it off and make it believeable. Two, it’s the language that really holds me back. Third, I start to think about how big my dream was to write, so why can’t I swing wide and shoot high when it comes to my writing? I love Fantasy, but I don’t write it. I want to write more complex stories, but I don’t write them. I’m starting to feel like I’ve reached the point in my craft where I can start to push those boundaries, but something is stopping me.

Anyway, I’m just throwing thoughts out there in the ether. (This blog is called Brain Clutter for a reason.)

But you can comment on your theory of why people don’t go after their dreams.

And since this blog is so random…

Isn’t this the best picture? Courtesy of Raine Weaver, who found it elsewhere. I love it.

The steps I take:

1.  Print off first three chapters and read again, because I KNOW there is at least ten typos I’ve left in the ms.

2. Print off my synopsis and lookfor sentences I can cut or if anything doesn’t make sense.

3. Apply eye drops because seriously I just read my synospsis.

4. Smile at my brillant query letter.  *the one things I do very well are queries*

5. Read first three chapters once again on the computer screen, because after fixing said ten typos I’ve probably created five more.

6. Print everything.

7. Breathe into brown paper bag.

8. E-mail online or send off in post office.

I’m sure you’ve realized I left a huge gap from finishing the book to sending it off. I did that on purpose. By the time you get here your book should have been rip to shreads, rewritten, revised again, and again, spit shined within an inch of it’s life so that the only thing you are looking for is typos.

Never, ever, ever send out a book that isn’t ready. There is a huge difference when you think “if I revise it one more time there won’t be a story left” vs. “I hope it’s ready” or worse “Since I don’t have a critique partner I’ll send it off to a publisher to get feedback from them”

That was a death knell you heard with the last example. Learn from me, you only get one time to make a first impression. That’s not saying you’ll never get another chance to get published, but always put your best foot forward. I stand by the theory an agent/editor would rather wait for a good, CLEAN, story than a crappy one sent to them quickly.

What this post boils down to is having a group of readers and writers you can send your book to, because once you hit this step you should be ready.

Tomorrow I shall talk about how to write a query letter. Funny that process also involves liquor and/or chocolate.

Last week I sent I Said Never to a Beta Reader. The person has never read my work before and I’m kind of glad, because ISN isn’t like anything I’ve written. Neil was head strong and prickly. Phoenix is just prickly. I know not everyone is going to like her or find her morbid humor amusing. And since I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read ISN since I finished it in September (October?), I can’t tell you whether or not it’s a good novel or even if I caught I the damn typos.

As for my agent search…I’ve receieved two rejections and two have been sent back with for failed delivery. The rest I’m not sure if I’ll ever hear back from them.

Can someone say anxiety?

I hear it’s good for writers to have anxiety. I think that’s just a lie. And since I’m anal, I’m going to put a call out for other Beta Readers. You can e-mail me at melissablue (at) melissablue (dot) net. From what they say you can never have enough anxiety.