What’s ironic is when I set my goal in January for The Year of The Writer I really didn’t know what it meant. I knew it meant change, I knew it meant growth, but I didn’t know what it encompass. The great and scary thing about it is that I don’t know what this new me is going to encounter.

The important thing, I’ve discovered drive again. When I was Melthegreatest I had it in spades. *Come on, I called myself Melthegreatest.* I can look back and see being and getting publishing was a matter of when, not if. Back then I was only a submission away from getting the call. I’m a little ashamed to say getting published knocked the drive right out of me. I had succeeded.

Now what? That question has been plaguing me ever since. Get the next one published just seems so vague. What kind of book? To what publisher? What’s the next milestone?

And then knowing it all comes down to luck. Yes, you have to be prepared when luck comes by.The downside is being prepared for years and never having lady luck on your side. I would like to believe this new Melissa is much more humble. I would like to believe this new Melissa will never give up what she has found to be important.

Yet I know I won’t be the same Melissa Blue next year. There would be something in my path that will make me learn a new lesson. I just hope no matter how I change, I will always then in when not if.

Who were you a year ago? Who do you want to be in a year?

So I’ve had to step back and look at my career. It’s dragging. I will give myself leeway because the first half of the year was CRAZY time. But now the vacation is over. Up until last week I’ve been at a lost to what to do with myself. I gave my writing CPR when I wrote the 18k story. But writing that story gave me a light bulb moment.

I wrote this story with the intent to send it in to a publisher. It’s a themed story. I was able to write this story to submission. Something I have never done before. I kind of like.

Ok. Understatement. I love it. I have to thank Jennifer Leeland for planting the thought in my head to write in one genre. I’ve also decided to aim my writing at a publisher.

Dear baby jesus, I now have a GOAL for my writing career. Yes, it’s scary because I might crash and burn. I may spend the next two years writing toward this publisher and we probably won’t fit. But for me it’s better than writing willy-nilly and then hunting for a publisher who will take the novel, only to find my novel doesn’t fit ANYWHERE.

Again, thanks to Jen, she said the floodgates would open. I didn’t believe her. Yet I’m looking at my notepad and I have five ideas I can work with. I have one that’s knocking and yelling louder than the others. I even have a goals spreadsheet. I’m scary folks when I’m on a mission.

But, it’s never felt so good.

What is your career goal? It doesn’t have to be about writing, but if you are a writer do you have a goal? Are you still willy-nilly? Maybe you can join me. Put the goal out there.

Mine: Kimani Press Romance line.

My writing has been going slowly. My focus has been split ever since I ended Overworked and Underlaid. (Back in November)For whatever reason sitting in front of the computer has been difficult. I broke out my handy dandy notebook and started to write that novella. (Yes, the secret story alludes me at the moment.)Since the first I’ve filled up 11 pages. Small potatoes compared to what I could shoot out.

But then I thought about it. How much was I writing this time last year? Nada, nothing, zip. This time last year I hadn’t submitted a full PERIOD. This time last year I wasn’t preparing an ms to start sending out to agents.

I’ve been comparing my progress to insane standards. (Writing 8k in one day IS insane.) I think I’m going to stop doing that, but at the same time I think this may be the lesson I have to learn for this year.

What seems to be the running theme for 2008 with you guys?

Did you guys just hear something?

Anyway, OVERWORKED AND UNDERLAID is going slowly, but surely. At the moment the heroine has an unlit cigar in her mouth, playing poker with Aiden and Uncle Butch. She’s going to learn something very valuable about family and about love not being DEATH, (yes, her and Butch see some things eye to eye). Aiden’s heart is going to tumble and trip and he won’t know how to deal with it. Slowly, but surely these last 68 pages are going to kill me. I’m amping up the emotion, but at least by tonight I’ll have my third turning point. Slowly, but surely. I have faith I’ll be done before the New Year. *snort*

Did you just hear something?

Anyway, how are things going for you? New projects? Projects that won’t die? Weird snorting noises coming from blogsphere? Let me know…

Blog amended to add: You know those blinders? Kind of hard to do today. This was waiting in my e-mail. They used my pic of Neil as my book cover (How cool is that?)

I clocked in at (about 20-25 pages)5,089 words then I felt drained. A little less than half of that was me trying to find the conflict. I found it then lost it and found it again somewhere at the end.

What I learned from yesterday’s writing:

1. My hero’s voice. He’s kind of funny. He’s really hurt by what the heroine did to him, but he still loves her deeply. Which makes me love him more.

2. How my heroine’s deep inner conflict with her mother is going to change her as a person. Funny how a few lines can be like a lightbulb moment. She owns a clothing store. A detail I picked out of the air, but now it makes sense. Here’s the paragraph:

“Why a clothing store?” (the hero)

He smiled at her obvious expression of relief. “I always thought if you wore the right thing it could make you feel beautiful. It could make people stop and admire you. You wouldn’t be invisible.” Megan shrugged.

No big deal when you read it, but knowing that her mother never saw her makes me realize that opening a clothing store is her way to make her mother see her. This makes Megan real for me. We all do things to rectify our past. Most times we don’t recognize it for what it is. I may not be so obvious when I revise the story, but this is something I need to know to give my heroine an arc she deserves.

3. My hero is willing to do anything to get the heroine to stay. He doesn’t see his actions as doing that. Which makes me see his arc.(and gives me the black moment) He has to let her go. Which points me to the theme. The whole if you let something go that you love and it comes back to you then it’s meant to be. And how it ties in to where I’m at in my life right now is kind of scary. For the past year I’ve been letting go of things I have no control over. Hmm, very scary or just the Girls in the Basement?

4. I know how the book is going to end, but I didn’t know how to resolve it until yesterday and not make it seem like the hero or heroine is sacraficing their values, beliefs for love. I hate endings like that. Now I know how to do it and not be disgusted with myself.

Back to the soapbox. This is why I say write crap, because 9 times out of 10 you’ll hit a gold mine. It’s wading back through the crap that is frustrating.

How are your stories going?