Then I’ll put the car in reverse.

But the the politics surrounding a certain award, a prestigious award is bugging the heck out of me. To the point I called three times until I heard from the horses mouth before I blogged on this subject.

As you know my first book came out this year. I’m darn proud of this book. So, much so, that if I died today I’d want that book to be bronzed and buried with me. I decided that I would enter this prestigous award with that book. And you know enter See Megan Run on the fly since they would both have a 2008 copyright. *not sure if by the the deadline if I’d have the printed copies in hand*

Now I heard through the grapevine if you were published by an e-pub or a small press you couldn’t enter unless your story was 20k or under. Of course the WTFs rang in the air. Hence the reason I called three times to get clarification. This is not so, but now there are new barriers. Let me list the ones holding me back: (Paraphrased)

1. I don’t consider How Much a single title by any means. It just doesn’t seem to fit that category. You get knocked down points for entering the wrong category.

2. My book doesn’t fall under the “series” definition which is: must be number sequentially, must be under a line that has the same amount of books each month, basically it must be printed by Holy Grail of Romance.

3. Can’t enter it in the novella category because it’s 2k over the limit.

Yeah, I’m pretty much screwed and going on a prayer by entering this book. But now listen to this one and it just made my head explode.

4. Must be mass market produced in print i.e. it must have a print run. Which means your book needs to be sitting in a warehouse ready to go out to the readers. It cannot be POD in essence.

Which in my opinion knocks out most e-published books that use POD to print their books.

What this means for me is that if my publisher doesn’t have a print run for my book then I can’t enter this prestigious award. *I mean the paralegal student in me can make an argument if is a print-run even if it’s only six books*

So, what you are telling me is that if I’m not pubbed with a Big NY or with the Holy Grail then my book isn’t good enough to be entered into this contest?

Of course I’m taking this the wrong way. And the rules are there for some insane reason, but how can I not feel like the above when I know I’ve written a book that I want to be buried with because it’s that good. I’m not being vain or tooting my own horn. I’d admit, at least to myself if I think a book is crap. I’m not even saying I’d win, but I’m not even getting the chance. All I’m saying is let the book speak for itself not the way a publisher PRINTS their books.

Right now I’m disheartened and angry. Yes, there are other contests that don’t discriminate against e-pubs, but this place is about supporting romance novels. I could have sworn that’s what I write, so why can’t my book be supported?

Oh, it doesn’t have a print run. Forgot myself there for a moment.

*kicking soapbox back under the bed*

I’m probably going to bore you to death with this post. My true funny happens once every other month. So, I’m going to try and keep it short and painless.

The one thing I hate about publishing are form rejections.(A very close second is the waiting) My personal opinion is form rejections are just rude.

Case in point. How many of you read this line and just wanted to scream?:

Dear Author

Okay, really I understand you are busy. I understand there are probably hundreds, maybe thousands of queries waiting to be read and rejected by you. But for the love of God is it just so hard for you to insert a person’s name?

Yeah, I know I’m probably sinking my own little row boat with this post both by publishers and agents, but I’m sorry. Stop reading now and go pen my rejection. Go ahead and do this DEAR “AUTHOR”, when you send that rejection. But I’m soooo getting this off my chest. (Sorry Lani and Sam. I know you said no rants.)

I digress.

So why does this irk me to no point of return? Why do I think the neutral term is rude, because I’m sure some agents/publishers really want to write Dear Person who writes utter Crap. I’m sure the one agent/editor who is reading right now is going Dear Person who likes to Sink there own career

The reason: I’ve done my homework. If I could I would have called your next of kin and asked what type of person you were. I then would call your third grade teacher and ask, “what kind of student was _____?” Just to know if you are the right person to handle my work. I’ve tripled checked that I’ve spelled your name right, the agencies name, and address is correct. That includes editors and their publishers name and address. And then I get:

Dear Author

Insert eye twitch I have a name for goodness sakes. It says so on my birth certificate. Really, I’m not asking much. You can give me the rest of the form. I won’t take offense to the best wishes or even the good luck with your future submissions That I can understand. You’re telling me “we don’t fit”. I’m not even asking for a rejection with feedback. Yes, if you do that for every single person you wouldn’t have time to acquire new work.

Okay, if that’s not swaying you. How fast do you send the rejection when you read that query that starts off:

Dear Agent/Editor,

You move faster than the speed of light. You probably think to yourself, “how unprofessional”, “he/she is probably sending this mass e-mail”. You probably even check to see if the author is.

So, all I’m saying Dear Author leaves a lot to be desired. It actually leaves me with a very bad taste in my mouth. I’m sure the little 5 by 10 you insert in my SASE was a very good business decision. You read it, don’t like it, you stuff envelope. Or for the savvy editor/agent. You read it, don’t like it, cut and paste.

But for the love all things are holy it’s okay to use two seconds of your time to write: Dear Melissa Blue

I’m open to comments. If you want you can write anonymously. But I’m sure there won’t be any. Told you today’s post wouldn’t be comment worthy.

My first D-Day starts tomorrow and I’ve been buckling down all week. I’ve been living off of coffee and scraps of meals people feel sorry enough to feed me. You know it’s bad when family walks up to you and say, “Ohh, you’re tired huh?”

And even harder not to reply, “What was your first clue?”

Yes, I’m a little snippy. Could be all that caffeine i.e. crack in a cup. Or that I’m getting sick. Yes, Yes, I know my bodies way of telling me to slow down. My plan is to slow down the moment I’m done memorizing my Litigation for Paralegals book. Hmm, that’s only 269 pages of legal jargon. No sweat. (HA!!)Back to slowing down…hold on let me check my watch…So around Wednesday at 6:30 when my class starts and the beginning of the end is near that’s when I’ll do it. I’ll be sure to have paramedics near by when I collapse from exhaustion

Hmm, I think it’s worth mentioning since all this craziness I haven’t been writing. I tried to do it, but every time I sat down I couldn’t drum up the enthusiasm to write. Though I want to. I will once I’ve found the energy. But you want to know the crux…Melissa, drinking crack in a cup and NOT writing is not a pretty sight.

Let’s also not forget I’m about this close to duct taping the kids hands to keep from touching each other. If I have to hear one more bleeping time “Mom _____ hit me.” At one point I did say, “Just kill each other already.” I can’t remember what chapter I read that suggestion in my parenting books (Could have seen it on Nanny 911), but with the gritted teeth and wild eyes the kids are behaving. Go figure.

Oh, you ask how does the house look?

You don’t want to know.

I’ve alerted the FBI. A crazy writer/student/mother is on the loose. God help us all.

George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

Tis the season that makes me nutty.

Melissa Blue (1985 to still breathing)

Fellow Cherry, Eileen Cook, posted about today being Canada’s version of Thanksgiving. How my heart goes out to her. I hate the cheer, the good will towards men, the shopping. Oh, let me repeat myself, THE SHOPPING, during the holidays. If Wally World had a heart,( first and foremost it’ll be colder than a witches tit), it’d be palpating thinking of all the harried parents about to grace its threshold with the list of what their kid must have or they’ll die. *sigh*

That alone wouldn’t make me dread the holidays, it’s the family get togethers. Yes, by going to these things they call parties, I have endless material to write more books, but you must understand my family is crazy. Around mid-November my phone starts to ring incessantly. My family, my children’s family calling, to see who is doing what where, when, how, and “Did you hear. . .” At times like this I start to dream of Maine and a blizzard that would wipe out my phone lines and I can live in peace. Then my phone rings.

This year I’ve come up with a solution. I’ve decided this year I’m going to sleep through the holidays. So somebody wake me up around New Year’s.

Well, I have a day job that I’m beginning to absolutely despise. Is it my co-workers? Not really. Some do make me wonder if they’ve had a lobotomy in the past three years, but not intolerable. The resentment stems from the fact I know what I’m doing right now is not want to do for the rest of my life. I know one day I’m going to smile when I give them my resignation. I’m going to skip off the property and never look back.

I want that to happen today, right now, so I can go home and write my little heart out. Write until I have carpal tunnel and have to dictate my novels and if I lose my voice I will find a world renowned mind reader to get my stories on paper.

I know people say that writing is not very lucrative unless you’re a best seller. I just want to make enough to cover my bills and allow me to take a vacation once a year. All this could just be me feeling restless, and exhausted at having to wake up every morning and deal with people who are stuck in a rut.

I guess this is what some people mean by protecting your writing. I need to step up and protect it from the zombie like existence I call working.

So the question: How do you protect your creativity from your day job?

6:45 this morning my daughter runs into my room jolting me out of a good sleep involving a half naked man. Someone is at the door. I’m thinking an emergency. My car has been stolen or the apartment complex is on fire. I open a door to one of the hundreds of maintenance man who keep the property. I’m thinking maybe they need to fix my cooler. Or make sure my fire alarms are still working.

He says to me. “Can you wrap up your water house. I’ve already done it this week and the county is coming out and I don’t want them to think I’m not doing my job.” He smiles at me. My brain is still groggy from sleep. I ask him to repeat himself. This man cannot be asking me what I think he just did 6:45 in the morning. He smiles again and repeats his dire need for knocking on my door. Yes, I heard him right. I look at him and the water hose. My daughter is near by so I bite my lip and throw my hose in the vicinity of where it needs to be. I go back in my house, slamming the door. Remember it’s 6:45 in the BLEEPING MORNING!!!

So don’t be surprised if you read one of my books to find a smiling maintenance man murdered. Death by water hose.

Did I mention I am not a morning person?

The only solution is to keep writing until you hit a gold mine or until you cry your way to THE END. You can always fix it. Just have a shot of tequilla or Tylenol handy. It’s going to hurt either way.

So how did I get to this point?

Well, my story morphed into a romantic suspense. I’m never good with clues, at least not in the first draft. The main suspect is dead, the other suspects are family members my main character doesn’t really know and it feels like I’m writing in circles. I might as well be ending every chapter with, “I didn’t know what to do next.” My character speaking figuratively, and me, the writer, speaking literally. Oh, yes, it’s a first person romantic suspense.

WTF!!!???

I’ve hit panic mode without even realizing it. I’m going to pick myself up. Find a ladder and climb over the wall or keep writing drivel until I reach THE END or get an epiphany.

Stay tuned for further entertainment in a neuroses of a writer.

Does that say from the gate what I write isn’t deep or thought provoking?

I may be wrong, but the last “romance” to win was Gone With the Wind in 1937. You can’t tell me there hasn’t been a better novel written. I guess I’m just steamed that for me to ever be recognized as a “real author” I can’t write romance. What the hell is Romeo and Juliet? That story says romance to me, but is Bet Me taught at every college? Nope. Is Carnal Innocence ever dissected to look at mores in our society as a whole,mores in a small community, and how emotional abuse can cripple a human being? Nope.

I found this definition on the Pulitzer’s Web Site. It describes what they consider worthy of a Pulitzer.

For distinguished fiction by an American author, preferably dealing with American life.

I know I went left field with this post, but sometimes things just make you wonder.

Now the question is when do you start this process. I don’t mean after the first draft or even when you’ve written THE END, but when you can step back from the story and say, “Okay, it’s ready.” A small percentage of writers will never get to this stage. It takes guts to put your book out there in the big, good ,sometimes bad, publishing world.

To me at least it’s more than being done with a book. Did I do my absolute best? Should I learn a little bit more before I submit? ie. turning points, character arcs, pacing, so on and so forth. Or the worst question a writer needs to ask themselves: Am I just avoiding the whole rejection process?

To a certain extent I can’t come up with clear cut answers to these questions. I can say for me with my first book I shouldn’t have sent off a Q&S. I couldn’t find what was “off” with the book, but since I was technically done, and sending out Q&Ss is what writers are supposed to do, that’s what I did. Even now I feel the pressure to send out more Q&S. I have three books under my belt. Shouldn’t I know enough about writing to write a good story?(okay, stop laughing) Yet, I feel I haven’t had enough practice or know how to write a book that I feel will grab a reader and make them love the characters and their story as much as I do. I know everyone isn’t going to love my writing. At the same time I shouldn’t feel like I just put a book out there and someone happened to buy it.

This isn’t a self-esteem issue. This isn’t me being too scared to submit. Writing is something I don’t want to half-ass my way through, which is a revalation within itself.

Will other’s disagree?

Of course.

For me it comes down to my writing needs more work. (Can someone say comma usuage?) (The best example I can think of is wanting a two month old baby to walk on it’s first try. They don’t even know they have legs yet.) More importanly, I’m not in this game just to get published -what many consider the mecca of writing. There is nothing wrong with that goal and hopefully I’m not coming off as a snob. Yet, right now I’m not getting paid to do this, but I love it. Even if God beams down from heaven and tells me I will never be published, I will still write.

After saying all that, yes maybe there is a little ego involved, I don’t want crap published with my name on it especially if I was the one who wrote it. This is more about self-reflection and for me to stop beating myself up about sending out 3 Q&S. (one a year) Am I wrong to want to say this is the only thing I don’t suck at?

Okay, I’m done. I’ll get off my soap box now.